~S. Kelley Harrell, M. Div.
Sometimes the hardest thing we can do seems to be to tell the community, within which we move, what is really going on in our lives. These are many reasons we feel this way. We don’t want it to be ‘all about us’. Nobody needs to know. They won’t understand. It won’t make any difference in the long run. We can handle it all on our own. It’s none of their business. Etc. Etc. Or perhaps it’s because we are afraid to be vulnerable, to risk losing friendships, acceptance, and understanding. They mightn’t understand. They mightn’t be able to cope. They might judge us. All of these are real fears. The problem that I see with this path is the necessity to keep straight for months or even years just who knows what story. And then dealing with the expectations that arise out of those stories but are never going to happen in actual fact.
We were faced with a similar situation the past 6 months. Yes, in the beginning, my first thought was to keep our news to ourselves as long as possible. However I realized that sooner or later, the news would come out, and so I decided to spread the word so that others who have been part of our life over the years, could be part of this journey too. Family members and those who we interacted within a regular basis were the first to be told. The remaining people were told whenever we had contact. And I’m glad I did.
The caring gestures and words, the feeling that whatever happens, wherever this journey takes us, someone out there understands and emphasizes are all priceless. From having someone who hates to phone say to me, “Call me if you need to talk.” to others offering to drive whenever and wherever needed, all those things and many others have made our lives much easier that they would have been if I had kept the community out. They have helped with the healing along the way.
Often I hear people say that what is most important to them about their church is the community. I would say to you that we each have our own community in which we live and work, and have our being. The church might or might not be part of that community BUT it isn’t the only community we have.
Thanks be to God!
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