Whose Shoes?

We have all heard the saying “Don’t judge a man[sic] until you have walked a mile in his[sic] shoes” (American proverb) Yet I would posit we do it everyday and/or have it done to us.

For example:

A number of years ago, while I was using a personal trainer to strengthen my knee after an accident, I was participating in a day-long event during which the leader referred to women with personal trainers as being [and I quote] “rich bitches”. It just so happened that in this group of 9 or 10 women there was another woman who also had a personal trainer to strength her back against work-related injuries. Did it bother her? I don’t know. But I know it made me resentful and angry for the rest of the day and I still remember the comment, how unjust it was was and how it ruined that experience for me..

For the past 5 years, I had found myself in the position of needing bi-weekly appointments with an Esthetician having my nails reinforced with a layer of gel beneath the polish in order to prevent them from tearing and becoming too painful to type with or do other daily tasks. I often hear sarcastic comments like 'Well that's really important' or an even more irritatingly, someone saying smugly (and with emphasis),'I do my own nails!’

I try hard to let these comments go, telling myself that they don’t really know the whole story and not to feel defensive. I do better at that now than I did 4 years ago, but it is still a struggle. None of the people in the stories above set out to hurt me. Criticize??? Maybe just a bit. Feel better about themselves and their actions???? Maybe that as well. But I am quite sure that the majority of them would not consider that they were being judgemental. After all one of the most quoted verses from the Bible must be Matthew7:1 in the more poetical language of the King James version ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged.’

All to often we see the Golden Rule as applying to our actions to ‘do unto others’ what we would have them do to us’. And of course it does! BUT it also applies to our words. We need to be careful that we only say those things to others that we would want them to say to us. I don’t know what is going on in the lives of those to whom I speak, and so it behooves me to not make from any comments that I would not want to be on the receiving end of.

Just this past week, someone with whom I was having a casual conversation made the comment that ‘People on welfare are lazy and don’t want to work.’ While they weren’t being judgemental of me per se, it was a judgemental remark nonetheless. Said often enough, like the term ‘rich bitches’ above, it reinforces a negative stereotype without looking at the root causes.

Because we can’t walk in another’s shoes, we need to be extra vigilant about what we say that is derogatory or biased in any way. Is this difficult? Of course it it, but that is no reason not to attempt it.

Has someone failed to walk in your shoes lately?

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