'Unmet Expectations'

I heard the story every year…

After waiting for 10 years to have a family, my mother was overjoyed when that first Mother’s Day rolled around. But when by evening the expected acknowledgement of her changed status had not appeared, she couldn’t help mentioning it to my Dad. His response was swift, “You aren’t my mother!”

Yes, we heard that story every year, and I suspect that my Dad often regretted that he had ever uttered those words!

The expectations of these special days and events in our culture, like Mother’s Day & Father’s Day often bring about disappointment and misunderstandings because we all have different expectations of what their meaning is and we too often don’t share those expectations with others around us. My Dad’s life would have gained had my Mother shared with him before that first Mother’s Day what she was hoping would happen.

I’m sure each one of us has made similar comments off the top of our heads and without actually thinking what we were saying, only to wish that we could take them back. But once something is said, it is out there forever.

With the wisdom that comes with age and maturity, we learn that while we can’t undo those words, we can apologize for them, admitting that they came from a lack of empathy.  It is just one more way we violate the commandment to do to others what you would like them to do to you.

We are all very clear in ourselves about the way we want to be treated but we fail to realize that everyone else is just as clear. It is our job to do our utmost to treat them as THEY wish to be treated, not as WE would. This whole Golden Rule ‘thing’ is not about everyone being treated in the same way, but rather about everyone being treated as the individual they are with their own expectations, needs and ideals. As George Bernard Shaw once said:”Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.”

It is empathy that counts in the end …