"When two or three are gathered..."

We met for lunch, a group of ladies who hadn't seen each other for over 5 years. The noise of conversation filled the room. Had it really been that long? An onlooker would never know! We had been a close-knit community years ago and that feeling of community was still there.

I meet a friend for coffee in the neighbourhood coffee shop and over that coffee we share our stories and what I experience is community. A small group gets together weekly for learning and discussion or to play mah-jong, and bonds of community are created. A sports team comes together from diverse places drawn by an individual love of the game and become a group that acts as one.

These, and many more, are all communities that you and I have been part of, often at the same time, where we have both shared ourselves and received from others. Our first and most basic experience of community is our families. It is a community we are born or adopted into, not one that we choose but our experience there influences how we interact in communities for the remainder of our life.

I keep hearing people say that what they are looking for is community as if it is a commodity that can be found or bought; as if it fits into prescribed boundaries. Real community only comes into being when people experience a sharing of values, of caring, of a willingness to be vulnerable with one another.

"In 'The Different Drum: Community-Making and Peace', Scott Peck argues that conscious community building is a deliberate process that goes through four stages:

Pseudocommunity: when people first come together, try to be nice, and present what they feel are their most personable and friendly characteristics.

Chaos: When people move beyond this inauthenticity and feel safe enough to present their "shadow" selves.

Emptiness: when all people become capable of acknowledging their own woundedness and brokenness

True community: the process of deep respect and true listening for the needs of the other people in this community." (Adapted from Wikipedia)

While most communities I am aware of have grown out of some shared experience, I find there is one exception to this and that is the church. The church seems to be seen as a community that exists outside of the people. I hear comments like "The most important thing about the church to me is the community." or "I go to church for the community". Only in the church do we expect disparate people to come in the door and immediately become a community. Then because they are a 'community' accept certain actions and behaviours. Only in the church have I heard it said that the community is more important than the individual

Most churches have not taken their idea of community beyond the first one of Peck's steps, that of pseudocmmunity where everyone puts their best 'foot' forward. Those within the church who try to proceed to the second and third stages are accused of not fitting in, of not honouring the higher good of the community, of thinking only of their needs. Thus the fourth stage for community doesn't get met.

No longer does society expect us to attend church on a Sunday morning in order to uphold our social position within the community. With such an inauthentic community within these institutions why we are then surprised that their membership is dwindling? Yes, community is important to us all and we all seek it out. Perhaps that is why the hockey rinks are full on a Sunday morning because that is where those people find true community.

Any number of people can make up a community, although somehow we seem to think that the larger the number the better. When I think of this quote:"Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am here among them." (Matthew 18:20 NRSV) I am reminded of just how many are really necessary. A community can happen when as few as 2 or 3 are gathered together in love and vulnerability, wanting for the other that which they would want for themselves.

Where did you find community this week?
You might also like to re-read the blog, 'Two's Community' that was published on May 14, 2014 for another way to think about just what makes up a community.

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