'Great Expectations'

From a favourite book “Anne of Green Gables”:

“Mrs. Lynde says, ‘Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.” – L.M. Montgomery

Seems like a no-brainer, doesn't it. And I guess it is, if your expectation results in your disappointment. I realized however that this wasn’t how things were playing out in my life. My expectations were those I had of other people, and when they didn't live up to those expectations, I blamed them for their failure to do so! Did they know of my expectations? Pretty much… Did they ever promise to fulfill them? No… Were these expectations even ones that might have fit into their worldview????? I had assumed they were… my mistake! So why then was I so angry at them?

What made this train of thought so interesting to me is that once I realized what I was doing, my reactions to the situation came more under control. I was able to step back, look at what was happening, and then make a decision as to what my reaction would be of a possible three:

1. Continue to be angry, to feel slighted, unimportant

2. Drop my expectations completely as not going to happen.

3. Amend those expectations to fit what might actually be possible.

Once I passed through my immediate reaction of anger, of how dare they not 'blah, blah, blah' and moved beyond the stage of ‘I’ll just take my toys and play elsewhere’, I came out the other side vowing to take whatever was offered that moved me into my expectations, but not to fault them for not being able to live up to all of them. Rather to look for those unfulfilled expectations being met elsewhere.…

In a way this parallels stages of my spiritual maturing away from a theistic god. As a child, I had complete confidence in the God I prayed to, that ‘he’ would keep my family and friends safe. Once I began to notice that ‘he/she’ did not always grant my petitions I came up with whatever reasons worked: I hadn't prayed hard enough, the answer came but wasn't what I asked for and I would understand eventually, etc. Then came the realization that ‘he/she’ wasn't out there to answer my petitions. So once again I was faced with the same possible three reactions. Once again 1 and 2 above were the default positions. Once again the change ended up being one that had to be made by me based on my understanding of the facts.

It is always easier to put the fault for something not happening onto someone or something else rather than accept it as a result of some miscalculation or misunderstanding on your part. I can be angry at myself for overestimating what someone else or something else is willing and able to do, but not angry at them. I can rejoice in what comes to me, without feeling cheated because I really wanted more. My expectations can remain as great, but I need to realize that they are mine and don’t belong to whoever or whatever I put them on.

Have your expectations been unmet lately? How did you handle it?

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