The Mad Hatter's Tea Party

‘Better is open rebuke than hidden love.Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.’ Proverbs 27:5-6

We had company one Sunday afternoon. Not company that we saw very often, but casual friends nevertheless. As I was clearing up after their departure and emptying out the tea cups, I found that both cups had sludge at the bottom. Yuck!!!! As a good hostess should, I had asked if the tea was OK when I noticed that they were only sipping at the liquid. They had assured me that it was just fine. It felt like the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party where things obviously has not been what they seemed!

This is just one example of a ‘little white lie’. It was meant as a gesture of politeness but what it really did was destroy any chance of that casual friendship ripening into something more in the future. Despite assurances that they would be getting in touch with us when they returned from an upcoming trip, a year later we have heard nothing. And frankly, I’m not sure that I want to.

Friendship is a fragile thing requiring from us the best that we have to offer. It depends on a two-way trust, a trust that can only be built on honesty. I am reminded of the wise man who built his house upon the rock [Matthew 7:24] friendship too needs a strong foundation to flourish and grow. It can’t succeed on a flimsy foundation, any more than the a house built on sand can survive the flood waters. I suppose I could call these people again and try for another date, but then will I ever really trust anything they say again or will it always be tainted by the past?

But, you say, it was only a ‘little white lie’ like those other white lies that are meant to make things go smoothly and not embarrass anyone. But what it said to me that day, when I discovered that little white lie, was that they did not trust me deeply enough to tell the truth. They didn't trust our friendship enough to say that their tea was undrinkable. (What they didn’t know was that we had a new Keurig machine and that this had been the first cut of tea I had prepare with it, that I would have appreciated their feedback.)

Now, whenever I am tempted to tell a little white lie, I remember this afternoon and how it damaged any chance we had for a friendship and I opt for the scarier, but safer, option of the truth.

‘Friendship is the most underrated relationship in our lives…It remains the one relation not bound by law, blood, or money—but an unspoken agreement of love.‘ -
Hanya Yanagihara, an American novelist

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