Two Strikes and You're out?

‘Thinkers often find (public) worship a very real problem as, inevitably, they are questioning all the prayers and hymns and checking out their words to see if they are logical, consistent, or true.” [Malcolm Goldsmith ‘Knowing Me, Knowing God’ c.1997]

“ I’m boring!” Those words echoed through the almost empty office as I was asked about myself by my new ‘boss’. Even as the words came out of my mouth, inside my head I could hear the words “I’m not REALLY boring, but nobody else sees it …“

From a very early age I knew as a ‘left-hander’ [10% of the population] I was different. I struggled first to learn to cut with right-handed scissors, and later on to knit, crochet [This never happened until I was in my 30’s!], and thread a sewing machine needle. The smears of ink on the pages of my schoolwork and on my hand were inevitable. Blotters [remember those?] were my best friends.

I was a bookworm who had read every book in our village library by the time I finished High School.  I had a a few close friends, most of whom I still have today. I knew I was not the ‘norm’ and certainly couldn’t use just my left handedness to explain why.

When I was introduced to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, my personality type came out as INTJ [only .8% of the female population according to some charts and 2% of the general population]. Being classed as both intuitive  [N] and a thinker [T] means that my thinking process is based on intuition or ideas and not on facts as ascertained by the five senses. 

It has taken years to integrate this information into understanding just why I made that initial statement. Years passed of not being understood for who I am, of having my thoughts dismissed as ‘wrong’, of being seen as stand-offish, and unfriendly. It became easier to just be quiet, to not engage with new people right away. If you find that your thoughts or comments during a discussion are always wrong, you learn not to give them. It was, and is, learned behaviour.

Duncan says of Thinking spirituality: ‘(It) gazes on the truth . . . it is a rational relationship with God that loves to be stretched to the limits of argument and logic, to follow thoughts to the place where thoughts run out. It is opening your mind to the mind of the infinite. It searches for truth and is always asking “Why?” . . . (it) celebrates the gift of knowledge and the ability to meet God with the mind through Scripture and the study of theology.’ [B. Duncan, Pray Your Way c.1993] Until I read this quote recently, I had never before encountered the phrase ‘…to follow thoughts to the place where thoughts run out…’ except in my own head! Somebody else actually understands my spirituality, my way of understanding the Infinite. This does not happen normally with the confines of the mainstream churches where if one is allowed to question, that allowance goes only so far . . and never to that place where thoughts run out!

So being left handed [10%] AND having a personality type only shared by .8% of the population, I am finally coming to terms with who I am and why I react the way I do in all areas of my life. Instead of hiding who I am, I am coming to see why others have perceived me as being ‘different’, and gaining confidence in my own unique worth.

Two strikes and you’re out? Not me!!!!!

(I could have added a third strike . . .that I'm a female, which would have made for the more 'normal' quote of "Three strikes and you're out". But would you believe it ever entered my mind until just now!)