NUDGINGS: a journey into the unknown

“Look after yourself!” Oh those words, so well meant and heard so often this past summer! Words that I have used often in the past myself. They are well meant words, said by those who are concerned and want to show that concern. I know that! But after hearing them said so often, in so many difference voices over the last 8 months, I find myself reacting differently on hearing them.  At first I was stunned, then dismayed by my reaction. I felt ungrateful. What was wrong with me? Why was I beginning to resent hearing these words? But then I took some time to think about just why I was feeling the way I did, and also why, if this was such good advice, why did no one ever take it - or so it seemed. To me, these words “Look after yourself’ deny the basic principle not only in Christianity but all the major world religions. Christians call it the Golden Rule - to do unto others what you would have them do to you, or ‘To love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your

“Poor and afflicted and oppressed people have faces, and we are required to look squarely into them. We can’t love what we won’t experience.”   ~Nancy Mairs Years ago the women’s group at the church that I was attending was talking about the arrival in the neighbourhood of a home for abused women. As various ideas were put forward as to how we might react to this, a couple of the ladies were very forthright in their disagreement. After all, they said, these women had asked for it! Despite this, the evening ended with a decision being made to start a clothing centre for these women who would arrive at the shelter with little besides the clothes on their backs. Being good Christian woman, both of these ladies signed up to take a shift or two a month. Imaging my surprise when a few months later one of them came up to me after church to tell me the ‘those’ women were just like everybody else! Now a story from a little closer to home. We spent three weeks in Cape Town, South A

“ Thanks for reaching out ” were the words coming through the telephone receiver into my ear. I had just remembered the stoma nurse’s words to us to call her when we were scheduled to see the surgeon for the post-op visit, I hadn't really felt I should bother her. But a couple of days before that event, I did pick up the phone and place the call, leaving a voice mail. It was answered by another voice mail, to which I responded with my original message again. And finally a real person was on  the other end of the line. Arrangements were made for the day of the consultation with her final words to me being ‘Thanks for reaching out.’  Initially that surprised me, but on further reflection I began to see that only by my reaching out to her was she able to finish doing the job she was trained to do. Sometimes in this culture we see ‘reaching out’ or ‘asking for help’ or ‘admitting that we don’t know what to do’ to be a sign of weakness.We should be able to cope, we tell ourselves.